I think I already mentioned once that when I discuss my job with people outside the biz and they ask for weird examples of porn, I bring up balloon fetish. Mostly, I do this because it shows that unlike having a fetish for panties, or for women’s high heels, there doesn’t have to be a standard sexual association with the human body to inspire a fetish. I guess though, I might mention the next time for added shock value, Snot Girls.

Snot is not what most think is hot. Nevertheless, it’s another substance secreted from the body that people pretend is disgusting that we’re all secretly obsessed with, even if it’s not always a sexual thing. Many people describe how satisfying it can be to unblock one’s nose by blowing hard, or to have a good sneeze. Let’s face it. An explosive sneeze is the equivalent of a nasal orgasm.

Who hasn’t blown or sneezed into a hanky and then quietly looked down to inspect the contents of the dirty tissue afterwards? One of my colleagues claimed that her grandmother did it all the time, often lifting it up to her face to see, so that if you happened to be standing nearby, you normally got to share in glimpse at her evacuated mucous.

We find ourselves muttering aloud the word gross, but we rather expected as much, so why were we compelled to look in the first place? Human curiosity is powerful. I’ve seen more than one person absent-mindedly picking away in plain sight at their nostrils, looking at the little treasure they’ve managed to dig out before flicking these seemingly precious gems away. I’m always surprised how some folks have no sense of shame, or embarrassment in public.

They tune out the entire world to enjoy a simple pleasure that from early on we’re told isn’t appropriate behavior. Me, I’m too self-conscious to be so carefree, so you see I actually view such individuals with envy. I figure it takes more than a modicum of self-confidence to flick your nose at the rest of world, as if to say, judgments be damned, I’m my own booger-filled man, or woman. I don’t even like to wipe my nose with Kleenex in front of other people.

My shyness is due to the fact though that I know in my heart-of-hearts that I won’t be satisfied unless I look at the results of my work, so I almost feel as if there’s no point in doing the job half-right. I’m a closet snot-lover. I’m sure there are others. As chirpy Toucan Sam used to say, as spokestoon for Kellogg’s Froot Loops cereal used to say, “Follow the nose, it always knows!”