I used to think WAM was simply George Michaels’s first band misspelled. Then I learned that it was the acronym for Wet And Messy. Definitely sites such as Messy Chixxx will wake you up, although you probably will want some quality time left alone since you will be planning on going solo when you see these women plastered in sticky foods and dripping syrup.

It was definitely a revelation more stimulating than my memories of giant logo Ts and that repetitive use of go-go. Besides, George back then looks like Princess Di. What with his feathered blond hair and his needing to wear way too much eyeliner. His classic brooding pout, you’d almost think Prince Charles had been stepping out on a different future queen in favor of Camilla.

Seeing babes like that leaves me wet and messy myself every time. Apparently, desperate British housewives should keep that in mind. According to that bastion of newsworthy news reporting, The Sun (11/13/06), many homemakers complain that they can’t get no satisfaction sexually speaking since they spend so much time cleaning the house.

According to a survey from Buena Vista entertainment group, nearly half of the women surveyed (no figures given so unquestionably scientifically accurate) complained that they spend six hours on chores but only 15 minutes having sex. They often complain that they were too tired from their household duties to bother with foreplay and fornication.

Actually, knowing how fast some fellows manage to climax, especially when further stimulated by the sights and sounds of a clean house, these ladies could still be having sex twice a day everyday. Nevertheless, they should take a page from the WAM girls and not bother to clean anything. Instead of mopping up that jelly spilt on the table, pick it up and smear it across your breasts.

Anyway, I know I’m pretty satisfied with my sex life but I never clean. Apparently, if I ever marry a Brit that might change, my home will be clean but I’ll be dirtying the fresh laundered sheets all alone.