Cut me some slack folks, if I exaggerated a bit with calling what happened at a strip club in Jacksonville a “spree.” According to an AP article out of Little Rock, Arkansas (11/15/05), the birthday spankings were actually more of a local tradition gone awry. Keith Lowery a trucker after being subjected to his 31 birthday whacks for a cost of $25 ended up bruised from the 18-inch wooden paddle used. The special whacking tool came complete with holes drilled in it and the stage name “Velvet” emblazoned across it. Although, it was 21-year-old performer Kelly Eslick aka Velvet that actually administered the spankings, her and four other Sensations Night Club employees were each fined $100 each after initial charges of second-degree battery were dropped by Pulaski County Judge, Wayne Gruber. The infamous paddle was ordered destroyed so to avoid it being sold for profit during a rumored online auction.

“We suggest cake and ice cream parties for birthdays in the future,” Prosecutor Larry Jegley said. I wonder if he thinks grown men should also forego the strippers or is it okay now that vilest one, that wicked Violet is no longer armed and dangerous? No more booboos or boohoos for birthday boys!

Personally, even if I felt a little humiliated by a public paddling, perhaps the bruises to my butt would be smaller than the bruises to my male ego for tattling in court about it. I agree that Miss Violet being 10 years younger than the elder male she spanked was very naughty and disrespectful, but I have a feeling that might have been the point. As a trucker who hangs out in tittie bars spending the majority of his time sitting on his ass in work or leisure, you’d rather expect that Lowery’s butt would be thicker skinned… maybe be his therapeutic Lombard cushion actually does keeps his tushy as soft as his back is straight?