Eenie, meanie, minie, mo, catch a criminal by the toe. I thought the Goth Flasher was misguided in thinking he wouldn’t be caught. However, paraphrasing what a guy on the Global TV show, Vanity Insanity said of his facial tattoo, you don’t get the ink because you think it will hide your identity. It does in fact make you permanently identifiable from the rest, so you don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.

Wise words seem somewhat obvious coming from someone whose face was completely covered by a tattoo. I think his point was that despite looking dangerous, you’re probably not prone to crime since you’ll be picked out of any lineup straightaway.

Nevertheless, a ski mask would solve that problem. However, one might mistakenly be lackadaisical about one’s feet as was an alleged criminal in a recent story by Jacob H. Fries of The St. Petersburg Times (05/04/06). This fellow should have stayed on his toes to avoid capture by an ambush on foot patrol.

Richard Costello had been stealing motorcycles and dismantling them for parts. One of his theft victims, Derek Lombard after reporting it to police, continued an investigation of his own. He managed to track down pieces of his chop-shopped motorbike for sale on eBay.

Police detectives analyzed the photos from the auction and as Clearwater police Sgt. Greg Stewart sarcastically stated, “This one goes in the ‘not the brightest star in the sky’ file.”

Thanks to previous jail records, which stated the location and specifics of several of the suspect’s tattoos, several of the eBay pictures identified Costello because his feet were in the shot. In some frames, the letters tattooed across his toes that spell out “White Trash” were clearly legible and lead to an undercover sting to buy parts from his online auction that led to his arrest.

As the ever-witty Sgt. Stewart claims, “He just tiptoed his way back to jail.”

Let’s hope the currently imprisoned Costello does a better job of looking after his back than he does of watching his toes and doesn’t have to listen to Sgt. Stewart putting his foot in it with the bad jokes.