It’s my first day back to work after two weeks of vacation. Unlike some folks, I have no problem forgetting about work when on holiday. Out of sight, out of mind is my motto. I’m lucky I could even find my way back to the office this morning. I take work seriously enough but always maintain perspective after having once suffered incredible stress at one horrible position I held early in my working life.

The job from hell was for a Christmas cracker manufacturer. For those not familiar with them, crackers are paper cylinders wrapped in fancy paper, filled with paper hats and small trinkets that make a snapping sound when you pull them open at Christmas dinner. I had been promoted to junior buyer but out of my element while my boss played mind games and set me up to fail. My position was eliminated and I was replaced by a lower paid clerk.

Meanwhile, I had nightmares about those damn crackers. Eventually, after waking up one night in a cold sweat, it dawned on me. No one was going to die. I might be fired from the job I wanted to quit. The company might have an unhappy customer. However, no one was going to die if paper wrapped tubes didn’t arrive on time for Christmas.

I guess I didn’t know for real stress though. According to UPI (06/05/06), Russian authorities claim that a displeased boss allegedly chained an employee to a tree after stripping him naked and beating him too.

The 39-year-old man was found brutalized and handcuffed in a forest near Belogorsk in Russia’s Far East, MosNews reported. Reports are conflicting as to how long the underperforming underling was there. Interfax says 24 hours passed before railway workers discovered the victim, while Regnum news agency reports only “several hours” had gone by.

The poorly performing lackey told police the punishment was given for refusing to engage in illegal actions. The boss counters he was merely angered by his employee’s poor performance, he faces up to two years in prison for the attack, MosNews said.

Personally, the threat of subjection to naked manhandling would only motivate me to perform worser - go ahead, I know “worser” isn’t a word, I guess someone’s going to have to tie me to a tree and spank me.