It isn’t easy being green or apparently very, very white either. I’m never quite sure how some people think they won’t do the time for doing the crime. I suppose for whatever reason some people want to be caught, it almost seems logical with something such as indecent exposure. I always assumed the appeal was risking being caught rather than actually being apprehended but not being a natural born exhibitionist maybe I don’t get it.

Nevertheless, I do accept that for some, their outward appearances don’t naturally express what they feel inside so changing the surface attempts to communicate who they are, what they are, their personality, values and with whom they relate best. However, choosing to be alternative, whatever that means, whether people see you as special or just weird, you’re probably going to be memorable.

According to the ABC Channel 7 News in Denver, Colorado, one such easily recallable fellow was arrested and confessed to six incidents of indecent exposure. The 21-year-old, named David Joseph Jobin was known as The Goth Flasher and has been booked into the Arapahoe County Sheriff’s Office Detentions Facility with a $1,750 bond.

Sounding like some sort of Gothic superhero, he was easily picked out of a photo array by one of the victims of his masturbatory misdeeds. He was described as dressing all in black with black hair and pale skin by everyone who encountered him, including a store clerk who tipped the police off to his identity.

Perhaps, if he’d gotten a tan he might have covered his tracks but five of his flashings took place at the Darque Tan salon. The article provided no clue to motive or to why he committed most of his acts in the fake and bake factory. Perhaps it was random.

Nevertheless, there is a certain irony (à la Alanis Morissette) in a pale Goth guy flashing folks in a tanning salon. It’s like some kind of pallid rebel terror attack against society’s perfectly bronzed clones. Fight the power or at least the UVA/UVB rays that cause premature aging and heighten the risk of skin cancer…

We might need a better slogan for our sunless avenger… how about Gothic pork the other white meat.