The earliest porn I saw in a magazine was an extreme close up of some chick’s vagina. It was spread open with the longest reddest fingernails imaginable. I thought it looked painful. Those dangerous claws seemed more suitable for catfights than pussy play.

That was back in the eighties, so those nails were probably Lee Press Ons. She probably could have taken them off and put them back on after, if she really had wanted to go to town on the fingering.

Scratch marks down your back may be some kind of badge of honor but otherwise sharp objects especially around my naked genitalia seem dangerous, more than a turn on. As I mentioned in my intro, that first photo of talon split slit that I ever saw had me wondering how the long nailed bitch didn’t hurt herself.

It turns out I’m not the only one with these kinds of questions. However, the answer provided is vague.

Take for example, 65-year-old Lee Redmond of Utah reported by Reuters (09/28/06) to have set a new Guinness World Record for the longest fingernails. Combined they measure 24 feet 7 inches (7.51 meters). She has to sleep on her side with the nails dangling off the bed. Daily, she covers them in olive oil and nail strengthener as well as occasionally cleaning them with a toothbrush.

When asked how she manages to go to the bathroom, her reply was, “Very carefully.”

She also explained that she has attracted some unusual fans that sometimes have made some unusual propositions. One individual yearned to nibble her nails and was willing to compensate her for said pleasure. It might have proved rather profitable for Ms. Redmond as her prospective nibbler suggested he would pay her by the inch.

She has attracted some unusual admirers over the years and she was once offered money to have her nails nibbled. The prospective buyer suggested that he buy by the inch.

The article doesn’t suggest she accepted that offer. I think she should do a package deal, her nails by the inch and the world’s fattest woman by the pound. She could be rich.