I chuckle every time I read the title Pissing Stars. I keep picturing how much it would actually hurt to have a five-pointed little bugger actually come out my pee hole. Nevertheless, although real-life peeing might not be everyone’s cup of tea, so to speak, it always peaks my interest a bit. It’s not something I’ve experienced too often in my own life. I mean as a sexual diversion not as a natural act.

In fact, I just came back from the bathroom, where yet another toilet seat has fallen off one of the crappers. I thought it might be a revenge plot. The washrooms on our floor have been closed for over a month now. Everyone has to go up a level to find a working toilet. Despite my own complaining of taking extra minutes every time I need to drain my Johnson, I wondered if this violent anti-toilet act was someone’s silent protest against inconvenience.

Anyway, I don’t know if it ever happens to you but sometimes, when something unusual happens in your daily life, it’s weird how shortly you’ll read a news story about it. No, I don’t mean someone actually reported on the toilet seat incident in my office’s loo. However, I did discover an article about a strange theft in a pub in England.

According to the BBC (01/05/07), the Royal Oak pub in Southampton, UK had a patron who after ordering a pint more than helped himself to using their facilities. After a few sips, he spent 40 minutes in the lavatory dismantling one of the urinals before sticking it into his rucksack and leaving. It transpired at 5 p.m. right under the nose of the staff and as it turns out, a close circuit television camera as well.

The establishment’s co-proprietor, Suzie Dreja, describes the removal as being neat and proper as she explains, “He did a very professional job. He turned off the stopcock and capped off the pipe. Our staff had thought we had taken it off for repair and it was not until the evening we noticed.”

She continues, “After we realized, we looked at the CCTV and saw him go in with a flat rucksack and come out with it bulging. He actually wiped his fingerprints off the door as he left.”

Yeah, lady, but did he wash his hands first?