Who can take a hot girl, unwrap her lovely thighs? Stroke her inhibitions, so she’s no longer shy? The Panty Man? The Panty Man can! The Panty Man can ’cause he mixes it with lust until you want to bust. Okay, maybe it’s not quite a catchy as the ditty from which I tried to craft this witty parody, but hey, there’s no need to get your panties in a bunch. I have a hunch that we’re all here more for the porn than the poetry of my rewritten song lyrics anyway. Besides, I skipped lunch so my blood sugar is low and I’m feeling high from the hunger.

Mistress Tracy says in her review that not all the content actually focuses on the lacy, silky or satiny, unmentionables. However, since she mentions that some of the scenes involved staged catfights, it might not be such a bad thing to see anyway. There’s nothing like lingerie-clad models getting the claws out for a good round of babe-on-babe brawling. I’ve often fantasized that those Victoria’s Secret Angels are not really angels after all, once they get their wings off behind the scenes.

Granted some of those supermodels are so skinny that erratic behavior par for the course. They insist that the infamous camera adds fifteen pounds. Which when someone looks as if she might weight only 30, is saying a lot. They might not even be visible to the naked eye. Therefore, you know that their hunger might lead to aggression with the other slim bitches, rather than to rewriting cheesy songs while posing in thongs. Just to be clear, I’m not wearing women’s underwear right now.

The models on PantyMan are certainly slender, but seem perhaps scrappy for the fun of it, rather than from sheer starvation. In fact, that’s what I like about the women he chooses. They certainly are hot enough to fodder many hot fantasies. However, they’re not so perfect, that you couldn’t imagine them strolling around your house on a Sunday morning, sipping coffee and doing the New York Times crossword.

Now, I’m dreaming of brunch with a bunch of lingerie models. I think that I had better eat something right now, before another song starts coming on in my head so I’m compelled to rewrite it. I haven’t the heart to make you suffer anymore at the hands of my artless remixes of the classics, so I’m off to have some candy, man.