Our local paper, when I was growing up with rather boring. The sole exception I guess would be the crime reports. No major infractions, just silly little misdemeanors filled a paragraph or two of minor misdeeds by misbehaving miscreants. Drunk and disorderly behavior, teens tipping cows, some idiot passing bad checks or other similarly minor sins and sundry, things causing chuckles.

It gave only the facts and rather dryly at that, no opinions or use of colorful rural expressions. Each entry was only as entertaining as the crime reported, the writing held no humor or charm. Unlike this little tidbit about public indecency from the Ponoka News (Red Deer County, Alberta, Canada) Police Blotter (11/01/06), completed by Constable Douglas Enns.

“On a particularly chilly night, police were making a routine patrol of the parking lot around a local nightclub. They noticed that a layer of frost was covering the windows of vehicles parked in the lot and that puddles had begun to form a thin icy shell. These observations were a stark contrast to the appearance of two people, stark naked, doing that thing birds do, bees do, whilst lying atop a bare cement retaining wall.

Apparently, the police were the only ones who had noticed that the police had arrived. After a moment, the male had, too, noticed that police had arrived and self-consciously sidestepped over to his half of the clothes piled on the ground a few feet away. He suffered a temporary lapse of chivalry and neglected to extend his newfound knowledge of the arrival of spectators to his girlfriend who remained in the same position now as when he’d left.

The sound of police car door opening did what her boyfriend had overlooked to do) and announced the arrival of on-lookers to what both (inconceivably) considered to be a private affair. Both quickly dressed and were directed to the front desk where, they would find, for a nominal charge they could “get a room.” Police figured that charging either one with an offence wasn’t likely to make either one any smarter and hoped that the chaffing, frostbite and the potential for pneumonia might.”