I was never caught in a compromising position. You see, I grew up in a relatively modest home, where all doors had locks. I maybe saw my mother and sister naked once, albeit in a candid instant far from compromised. I learned to be cautious about unplanned public nudity.

Therefore, I get more than a giggle with the stunts people pull in the altogether. I don’t mean the folks just having sex outside. I’m talking about people doing things that normally you wouldn’t do naked, I mean besides frying bacon.

Some folks without a shred of clothing don’t have a shred of commonsense or shame neither. According to Kyle W. Morrison of the Southeast Missourian (08/15/06) breaking and entering is quite another, especially if besides letting your own pistol dangle you grab for the sidearm of the nearest arresting officer.

Whether you call them a mobile community or a trailer park, we all know that unfairly or justly, so, perhaps in this case, they have a wild, white trash reputation. Such was the setting for a naked break-in attempt occurring 3:09 p.m. at 606 S. Silver Springs Road in Cape Girardeau.

A nude 52-year-old man accosted a police officer even before he left his squad car. A struggle ensued. The officer was pushed against the police car denting its rear left door. The officer tried to Taser the suspect he pulled the prongs out of his unclothed body and charged again, pulling the policeman onto the ground while reaching for the officer’s handgun.

Eventually a second officer arrived to the scene and using his Taser gun, the assailant was subdued, handcuffed and taken to a local hospital on suspicion of being under the influence of a narcotic. No charges had been formally laid and the officer was not hurt in the scuffle.

Middle-aged mobile home residents on drugs take note - the next time you’re accidentally locked out of your trailer while looking for your crack pipe, let the kind officer help you find your keys instead opening a naked can of whoop-ass on the man. With your dignity long gone, you have nothing to lose or to keep intact.