I remember when I was younger my mother freaking out about some news report warning parents about boys experimenting with autoerotic asphyxiation. I had of course never heard of such a thing and never thought of doing it until she brought it up. Regardless, I never did take the risk of self-strangulation just to get off bigger and better.

The closest I ever came to that kind of experience was with someone who kept grabbing my throat with both hands during sex. I thought the mild choking was just some innocent kink, as it seemed the hotter the sex got, the firmer the grip round my neck got too.

It took on a much disturbingly morbid aspect when I learned the truth. The kinky strangler’s mother had hung herself in such a way as to insure that my distraught partner was the first to find her body. That was too creepy so I dashed fast.

At any rate, besides not hurting myself or anyone else, my sexual past has never caused property damage or anyone’s arrest either. However, in The Galveston County Daily News (06/18/06) we learn of a couple who covers all the follies possible in their amorous exploits.

A hotel’s sprinkler system had been broken causing an estimated $15 000 US in damages to at least eight flooded rooms. Officers arriving on the scene found drug paraphernalia and assorted sex toys in the room at the flood’s source.

Faced with what police had already uncovered, the occupants of the room after some opening denials eventually admitted what happened. The 45-year-old male and his 35-year-old female companion had tied a rope around the man’s neck and then attached it to the sprinkler system that broke under his weight.

The man is held on a $3500 bond for criminal mischief and possession of marijuana, while the woman’s bond is set at $2000 for criminal mischief. You have to feel sorry for the dude. Not only did he miss out on finishing an evening of kinky sex but also now, he’s presumably separated from his lady, his shoelaces, his belt and any other method of suffocating orgasmic satisfaction.