Affectionately known as Miss Conduct, she’s one fiery and feisty treat to behold on her high-quality website Hell Kitten, which opens its preview tour by promising to be a bad influence on the perverts it welcomes. Sometimes, I suppose action does speak louder than words since we asked her a few questions most of which appear longer than her answers, so we’ve added some analysis.

We queried Miss Conduct - You say you prefer not to take yourself too seriously. Do you ever find that people who do take themselves ultra-seriously get frustrated with your freer spirit?

Miss Conduct replied - I’m not sure, maybe. I’m sure there are, but I try to ignore what I don’t like or what will upset me.

Our analysis - Sounds like the last person I dated who was a self-described simple, uncomplicated person. It does take a certain amount of self-assurance bordering on total self-absorption to pursue one’s bliss without feeling remiss for those around you when you insist that you must have it your way or the highway. Wow, I’m completely bitter and it wasn’t Miss Conduct who just dumped me!

We queried Miss Conduct - I know you like to wear corsets and can cinch that lovely 24-inch waist of yours all the way down to 17 inches. I’ve always wondered; does it really make a woman lightheaded and more prone to “swoon” as it does in old romance novels?

Miss Conduct replied - Well, yeah. You get used to the way corsets modify your body after a while, so it doesn’t affect you as much, but breathing and circulation can be more restricted while wearing one.

Our analysis - That’s cool since honestly, there’s just always been something about chicks in corsets that causes me to hyperventilate and restrict my blood flow to pretty much only one area that can start to feel pretty constricted by my tightie whities. There I inadvertently answered the age-old question boxer or briefs and nobody even asked me anything.

We queried Miss Conduct - I loved seeing photos of you dressed up in a hockey jersey and tied up to the goalie’s net. How did you become such a big hockey fan and who’s your favorite player?

Miss Conduct replied - I’m from back east where it snows and I have six older brothers=instant hockey team. Martin Brodeur=God

Our analysis - I don’t know if you’ve heard of that one study that claims a link between birth order and the likelihood of being gay but let’s just say that if Miss Conduct had been born as the seventh male instead of female, there’s a 400 percent chance she would have been a gay guy instead of a hockey-loving girl. Meanwhile, she might still have enjoyed dressing up in latex and corsets etcetera but appreciate seeing it on her 100 percent womanly frame.

We queried Miss Conduct - Reading your fan mail proves that you have a broad fan base from around the globe as well as a few who seem possibly to be from other worlds completely. Why do you think you garner mainstream appeal as well as admirers from “alternate” lifestyles and possibly dimensions?

Miss Conduct replied - Beats the Hell outta me! Your guess is as good as mine on that one.

Our analysis - I say, the eyes tell no lies. Although, I don’t have a kinky website and tend to appear somewhat uptight in public but the weird ones always run my way. Even the briefest of eye contact, they’ll immediately come up and start a conversation with me. I’ve had a few of my city’s unfortunately homeless people, unbalanced and self-medicating come up and talk with me for more than half-an-hour without ever asking for money. They always say that they could see in my eyes that I was kind but a bit unhappy. There’s nothing quite like receiving psychoanalysis from someone with Aqua Velva on her breath.

We queried Miss Conduct - Finally, I’ll steal a question from almost every job interview on which I’ve ever been. Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now, Miss Conduct?

Miss Conduct replied - If I knew the answer to that, I’d be psycho… oops, psychic. Already am psycho.

Our Analysis - I like someone who is honest about having no specific plan. I’m prone to making something up most of the time such as I’m going to write the Great American Novel. It works until someone asks how many pages have you written and then I have to say that the manuscript is still in the development stages. It’s funny that although she admits now to being “psycho,” she didn’t think that maybe if some of her fans seem to come from another world that they might just be attracted to that self-deprecating wackiness. Chances are some of those folks do have plans for Miss Conduct believing that 5 years from now they’ll be going back with her on the mother ship headed to the planet Rubber Corsetta 5.