In there quest for world domination… I mean their peaceful mission to bring global democracy and order; the American military has had some interesting ideas for new weapons that never quite made it into production. The concepts were meant to breed chaos rather than destruction as a kinder, gentler way of crippling any rival nation’s attacks (or defenses, one imagines). Apparently, even though Uncle Sam realized LSD couldn’t help troops in Vietnam, it doesn’t stop him dropping acid before planning future means of attack.

The BBC News reports that the Sunshine Project, a group monitoring research into chemical and biological weapons, obtained previously confidential plans dating back to 1994 under the US Freedom of Information for non-lethal weapons researched by the US Department of Defense.

Several of the more comical suggestions for causing non-fatal blows to an opponent’s army include developing a chemical to give enemy soldiers “severe and lasting halitosis” making them easily detectable among civilian populations.

Another similarly humorous plot was codenamed “Who? Me?” It sought to breed derision in enemy ranks by dropping bombs simulating the foul stench of flatulence. Suggested as far back as 1945, the fart bomb was dropped from development since researchers decided, “People in many areas of the world do not find faecal odor offensive, since they smell it on a regular basis.”

Other ideas less laughable albeit equally unlikely to work well, include a “sting me/attack me” chemical weapon attracting swarms of enraged wasps or rats towards enemy troops. Another proposed chemical would have made its victims unbearably sensitive to sunlight thereby requiring a cease-fire at sunset.

Finally, sounding like the cheesy plot of a gay uniform-porn flick, scientists imagined a so-called “love bomb” filled with an aphrodisiac pheromone provoking widespread homosexual behavior among targeted ranks.

The always politically correct US military described its effects as a “distasteful but completely non-lethal” blow to the morale of foreign armies that presumably “don’t ask, don’t tell” either.

Meanwhile, if the same “gay” chemical worked on women then giving a little dose to a couple female GIs watched by a roomful of future recruits might have all sorts signing up even without reinstating the draft.