Age and sexual attraction are consistently negotiated in this and many cultures. The idea of gaining insights or advancing your own status by association with someone more prestigious or knowledgeable than yourself is nothing new, but the sexualization of the older and post-natal woman's body is definitely fetishistic. We live in culture of beauty and aesthetic standards that make attractions to Mature women uncommon and certainly subversive.

Though the term MILF (1), Mother I'd Like to Fuck, is a fairly recent convention, first noticeable on campuses in the late 90s and then making it's way to the infamous American Pie film, the strong desires towards post-natal women has a long and proud history. Many feel that the term simply means, 'hot mom' and can refer to any older woman. Some would disagree, given that the M in MILF, stands for Mother. It could also be argued that many women who have given birth do not fit into the Mature or Older category by a long shot. Then there are the older ladies who never been parents and the list of exceptions goes on.

Chronophilia (2) is a term coined by John Money to define a generalized preference for someone in a different age category than yourself. Sexologists prefer more specific terms, in particular because adults with certain attractions to young girls and boys are considered mentally aberrant whereas attractions to adults of a different age are simply uncommon. Also of note, none of the definitions mention post-natal women. This could be due to a common assumption that older women will inevitably be mothers, but that explanation is not explicit in any definition. Certainly not all MILFs fit into the mature category.

Geronotophilia (3) is the particular term to describe an attraction to someone significantly older than yourself. Commonly, younger women are seen to be attracted to older men with established careers and lifestyles, while young men are seen to be attracted to older women for purely sexual reasons. Certain other specifics can be applied to Chronophilia as well, like Epheboephilia (4), the attraction of older people to teens, arguably the best known and most acceptable fetish within the Chronophilial group.

Fetishes towards Mature and Older women are a well-known and widespread phenomenon. It's not only exciting because these ladies are generally beyond what our culture defines as sexy, but the experience they've gained over the years suggest a glut of knowledge that can be used to your very pleasurable advantage.

Another part of the myth is that a MILF will not be wishy-washy about birth control, so you won't get any surprises later on. It's not likely that that's entirely true, but it does feed into the idea of the knowing, older woman. Benjamin Franklin wrote in a letter outlining his desire for an older woman, Because they have more knowledge of the world, and their minds are better stored with Observations; their Conversation is more improving, and more lastingly agreeable. (5)

Though less common than the norm of a young woman being married off to a wealthy or at least established older man, aristocrats and royal women were often known to have affairs with men at least a decade their junior. The attraction then was as it is now, an intrigue over well-established and experienced women who did not necessarily need the man for financial support and could even elevate the status of a man looking for a more prominent social position.

Consider Glenn Close in Dangerous Liasons (6), or Ann Bancroft in The Graduate (7). Two mature, powerful women seduce younger male lovers, who are enamored of the knowledge and experience these women can offer. The celebrities of today are different in that they are considered appealing, sexual beings both pre- and post-natally. Consider the media obsession with the motherhood of Britney Spears and Angelina Jolie. Neither of these women fit into the Mature or Older category, but they are definitely Maternal sex symbols in every photo we see of them alone or with their families. These and other parent celebrities are pushing forward the idea that the female form continues to be desirable and sexual after giving birth and in subsequent phases of life.

Since the sexual revolution, more and more women have been publicly claiming different parts of their sexuality. For older women of the 50s and 60s, this had more to do with working than with the marching and bra-burning of the younger generation did at the time. Boomers, however, are aging along with their daughters and despite claims that the term MILF is misogynistic or sexist, many women claim the title for themselves as an example of continued life and vibrancy after childbirth (8). Women's role in society itself is changing, as high achievement outside the home gains particular prominence rather than focusing only on the parental role. This change in roles has led to a change in what women and men expect and look for in relationships.

For the older woman, this means, among other things, that there are fewer constraints around issues of sexuality and she is increasingly free to orchestrate new areas of experience for herself, irrespective of age. For the young man, a more emotional connection in his world is also acceptable, an increased affirmation in being intuitive, sensitive, affiliative (9).

Cougars (10) are a sub-category in the Older fetish, wherein the mature women in question are very excited and on the prowl for young, hunky studs. It can't be said that any attractive, older woman is a cougar, just because she's sexy and active. To be a true Cougar, she must be predatory, wild and willing to pounce on any young pup that comes her way. This phenomenon has transferred out beyond the adult entertainment world and into the sex tourism world where, like many older men before them, mature women are now vacationing in exotic and impoverished parts of the world to enjoy the company of younger men in exchange for gifts and entertainment (11). It has been noted on several slang dictionaries that Cougars don't play the same mind games that younger women apparently do. One suggested reason is that Older experienced women are attractive because of their confidence, savvy and lack of interest in mind games. Such a successful person would hardly be satisfied with just any guy who walked in the door.

Conventional wisdom does assume that housewives are largely abandoned and feel used up by years of dedication to a family that ultimately leaves them. As the Viagra years plow ever forward, this conventional wisdom begins to fall by the wayside. Not only the fact that more of us live longer and therefore deserve a higher quality of life during those extended years, but more of us remain active and vital in social, parental and libidinal ways.

While the coupling of older men and younger women has enjoyed historical acceptance, the stigma of older women with younger men is only now beginning to erode. The fetish of partnering with older and post-natal women is more and more prevalent as celebrity mothers and high-status women executives are more publicly admired. Husbands are expected to still find their wives desirable after parenthood and retirement, but guys in their twenties who seek out older vixens are still enamored of a taboo. In general terms, Gerontophiles are no longer the aberrations that Harold & Maude embodied, but the Demi Moores and Naomi Watts of the world. As more and more of the age taboos blur into historical obscurity, they could one day be considered mainstream sex. For now, the fetish remains as boy-toys become status trophies of exceptionally successful women and third-party adorers of the post-natal female form continue to admire from the sidelines.

1. MILF: Urban Dictionary, Sept 2008.

2. Chronophilia: Reference.com: Wikipedia.org. Oct, 2008.

3. Gerontophilia: Reference.com: Wikipedia.org. Oct, 2008.

4. Epheboephilia: Reference.com: Wikipedia.org. Oct, 2008.

5. PETERSON, SALLY H. (1983) THE NEW DYAD: OLDER WOMEN AND YOUNGER MEN (EGALITARIAN, AGE DIFFERENCES, SEX ROLES). Ph.D. dissertation, The Fielding Institute, United States -- California. Retrieved November 6, 2008, from Dissertations & Theses: Full Text database. (Publication No. AAT 8429706.

6. Dangerous Liasons, Stephen Frears, 1988.

7. The Graduate, Mike Nichols, 1967.

8. Interview: Tori Amos, Colorado Springs Independent Newspaper, Nov 21, 2007.

9. PETERSON, SALLY H. (1983) THE NEW DYAD: OLDER WOMEN AND YOUNGER MEN(EGALITARIAN, AGE DIFFERENCES, SEX ROLES). Ph.D. dissertation, The Fielding Institute, United States -- California. Retrieved November 6, 2008, from Dissertations & Theses: Full Text database. (Publication No. AAT 8429706).

10. Cougar: Urban Dictionary, Sept, 2008.

11. Jeremy Clarke, Older Women Join Kenya's Sex Tourists, Reuters.com, Nov 26, 2007.

12. ABC News, Are More Older Women with Younger Men?, May 5, 2005.


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