Masturbation is probably as old as sex itself. After all, if I had been Eve in Eden and suddenly punished with a fear of snakes, menstruation, all that PMS and pain during childbirth on top of it all, then you better believe that I'd have had a headache that would have lasted until hell froze over. So what was Adam to do? Better yet, what the hell would I have done if I were Eve?

According to some historians, I might have collected dried camel dung and encased it in a hard resin or whittled something phallic out of wood. In some eras and cultures, I may have acquired a Cantonese Groin, which according to Babeland.com is a plant that when soaked in hot water will swell and harden. [1] Although I cannot find any corroborating evidence of this particular plant, it's not uncommon to hear of plants and vegetables used for sexual gratification in lieu of dildos.

Dildos, which are the oldest known sex toy, are said to have been depicted in Upper Palaeolithic art, which means they have been around as long as 30,000 years. Even more fascinating was the discovery in the Gorge d'Enfer region of France of a baton with dual phallic ends similar to the double dildo that we often see today. However, archaeologists suggest that sexual gratification was not likely the common use of these ancient phalluses and they were more likely used in fertility rituals, which were frequent and common during that time. [2]

While Egyptian art in the 4th Dynasty is said to also depict dildos in wall sculptures and paintings, it isn't until approximately 500 B.C. that we discover the olisbos, which is the earliest evidence of handcrafted phalluses used specifically as devices for sexual pleasure. Milesian traders regularly sold the olisbos, often made of leather or wood, to Mediterranean husbands who would then give them as gifts to their wives to prevent loneliness and perhaps even assure fidelity when the men were away fighting long war campaigns. [3]

Dildos have not only been an integral part of fertility and sexual culture though the ages, but they've also been a very popular topic in a number of creative works, including Lysistrata by Aristophanes, Sodom, The Quintessance of Debauchery presumably written by the 17th century satirist John Wilmot, and undoubtedly the most infamous dildo of them all, Steely Dan (not simply a rock band), which was the name of the stainless steel dildo in William S. Burroughs 1959 novel, The Naked Lunch.

The modern word dildo comes from the Italian diletto (1593 AD), which means delight. [4] It hasn't changed all that much in definition, nor has its pleasurable properties or appeal dropped over the years as exemplified on porn sites like Toys Love. However, the dildo has come a long way since those crude stone and wood fashioned phalluses of yesteryear.

Shortly after the invention of rubber in the 19th century, and since the early part of the 20th century (not surprisingly coinciding with the inventions of film, blue movies and stag films), the demand for and availability of dildos increased exponentially. While there is little research concerning the use of dildos among populations throughout ancient history, Levin and Levin conducted a survey of Redbook readers in 1975 and noted that 1 out of every 5 women had at least experimented with sex toys. Similarly, Cosmo magazine published a survey in 1981 reporting that 26% of women used toys for solitary masturbation. [5]

Dildos are not the only toys, though. Victorian-era doctors invented electrically powered vibrators to treat hysteria, which was defined in Ancient Greece as a female medical condition caused by disturbances in the uterus, and in the late 19th century to describe sexual dissatisfaction among women. [6]

Prior to that time, doctors employed the use of their hands to treat this uniquely female ailment, but finding the treatment daunting, they began experimenting at first with hydrotherapy, whereby water was shot directly on the female genital area to induce orgasm. Dr. George Taylor developed the prototype for the modern vibrator in 1869. Steam-powered and cumbersome, the vibrator was soon refashioned into a smaller electromechanical version by the British physician, Dr. Joseph Mortimer Granville, in 1882. While Dr. Granville purported that its use was to treat male muscle injuries caused by overexertion, it wasn't long before similar devices were being advertised as home appliances in magazines like McClure's, Women's Home Companion, and they were even being sold in Sears and Roebucks catalogues. Supposedly, the vibrator was a cure to almost any headache, among other minor complaints.

Ironically, just as women's hysteria was being treated with vibrators, men were being treated for ‘spermatorrhea' or excessive ejaculation. Unfortunately for them, the cure at that time wasn't often as pleasurable and consisted of painful chastity devices or sometimes circumcisions. However, vibrators were often employed to treat lesser and more vague ailments, and in 1899 the naturalist John Muir patented the first vibrator specifically geared toward men. [7]

While the vibrator had a profitable place in the early part of the century, particularly since it was considered a medical device, hysteria was de-listed as a medical condition in the 1950s by the American Medical Association. No longer able to sell the product as a respectable household item and not wanting to advertise it for what it was, a sex toy, there was a temporary decline in the marketing of vibrators. However, the toy re-emerged in the mid-1960s and has slowly but surely gained status as a symbol of female sexual empowerment and has become a widely acceptable and desired toy among women.

Today, there are numerous toys, dildos and vibrators in all shapes and colors, and there are dozens of different models including the popular Rabbit vibrator. However, in the 1970s, Dave Lampert created the Sybian. The Sybian has a saddle-like seat, which you can mount a dildo, butt plug or other toys onto, and then control the vibrating and rotating speed by working the attached remote for autoerotic pleasure. Even though the Sybian was not marketed on a wide scale until 1987, its creation and I'd suggest the advent of computer technology has spawned a whole new era for both female and male sex toys and perhaps has had an increasingly exciting interest to technofetishists who fantasize their ideal toy as being just a little closer to cyborgification.

Once considered a satirical and hypothetical concept coined by philosopher and IT pioneer, Ted Nelson, teledildonics now refers to the possibility of remote mutual masturbation. What this means is that certain physical sensations can be recreated and transmitted over the Internet. Basically, you connect the sex toy to your computer and your IM partner can control it, and you can also control his or her toy. Regina Lynn, of Wired.com writes a wonderful description of the toy in her article, "The Ins and Outs of Teledildonics."

While we still have a long way to go before we see 'fully functional' androids like Star Trek TNG's Data or even perfect cybernetic sex toys similar to Voyager's Seven-of-Nine, the recent wave of inventions in technology and in the newer fields like teledildonics will no doubt have us, whether male or female, spinning in ecstasy. We've sure come a long way since the resin-encased camel dung used of yesteryear, and I say AMEN to that!

References:
[1] "The Fasinating History of the Dildo." Babeland 2006. Babeland LLC 10 Aug. 2006.

[2] "Dildo." Wikipedia. Wikipedia, 2006. Answers.com GuruNet Corp. 12 Aug. 2006.

[3] "History of Dildos." Go Ask Alice. The Trustees of Columbia University in the City of New York. Aug.2004. 20 July 2006.

[4] "Dildo." Online Etymology Dictionary. Douglas Harper, 2001. 08 June 2006.

[5] Silverberg, Cory. Sex Toy Use Linked To Drugs and Non-Monogamy. About Inc. 20 March 2006.

[6] "Hysteria." Wikipedia. Wikipedia, 2006. Answers.com GuruNet Corp. 13 Aug. 2006. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hysteria

[7] Riordan, Theresa. For Pleasure: A History of the Vibrator. Slate.com 2006. Washington Post. Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC, 20 Aug. 2006.